Baby B #6: Balance and Boundaries

Baby B #6: Balance and Boundaries is all about keeping yourself sane. You CANNOT be the mommy your baby needs if you are burned out.  AP parents tend to feel that Attachment Parenting is all or nothing and if they give their baby one bottle, put their baby in a stroller instead of the carrier for an outing, or get angry and speak a little too harshly to their child on occasion they will lose their "AP Parenting Card".

If you keep these in mind when dealing with your children, you should be just fine:

Dr. Sears' Eleven Commandments for Balanced Attachment Parenting

1. Thou shalt take care of thyself
2. Thou shalt honor thy husband with his share of the Attachment Parenting
3. Thou shalt avoid the prophets of bad baby advice
4. Thou shalt surround thyself with helpful and supportive friends
5. Thou shalt have help at home
6. Thou shalt get to know thy baby
7. Thou shalt give children what they need, not what they want
8. Thou shalt sleep when baby sleeps
9. Thou shalt groom and adorn thyself
10. Thou shalt heal thy past
11. Thou shalt realize thou art not perfect!

Here are the three best tips I can give to any parent:

1. Set Aside Some "Me Time": Find a hobby you love, read a book, go for a walk, work out, take a long bubble bath, or just TAKE A NAP! Whatever you want to do to relax, do it.  Take an hour, half-hour, or even just 15 minutes and let Daddy take care of baby while you take a break.  Afterwards, you can return to your SUPER-MOM self feeling refreshed and ready to face the next 24hr marathon that is a day in the life of a busy mommy!

2. Ignore "Baby Trainers": You know who the baby trainers are in your life.  The ones who are constantly over your shoulder with comments like "You shouldn't hold him so much, you'll spoil him and he'll never learn to walk", "You're STILL nursing, just give her a bottle already", "He's fine, sometimes babies just need to cry", and so on and so on.  Don't worry about these people, let them raise their children and you raise yours.  Keep following your instincts and loving your baby and eventually they will grow into a happy, well-adjusted, independent child and adult.  (We'll talk more about "Baby Trainers in the next Baby B post!)

3. Attachment Parenting is NOT all or nothing: I am of the firm belief that you can still be a wonderful attachment parent and not follow EVERY single aspect of AP.  I was only able to nurse my son for a few months and since then he has always received expressed milk from a bottle.  Did I lose my AP card when I gave my baby that bottle? Sure, some moms may answer yes, but I am not one of them.  To me, Attachment Parenting is about a lot more than Breastfeeding and Babywearing.  It is about GENTLE parenting and about a connection that you work to build with your children. 
So, while breastfeeding, babywearing, cosleeping, etc. are all ENCOURAGED and practiced by MOST Attachment Parents, they are NOT REQUIRED.  What IS required of all Attachment Parents is "to treat our children with kindness, respect and dignity, and to model in our interactions with them the way we'd like them to interact with others"- Attachment Parenting International.

Come back next time to discuss Baby B #7: Beware of Baby Trainers!